First off, it’s ironic that the title is Magnum, P.I., because Magnum always corrects people who call him “P.I.” I suppose he thinks “P.I.” is too “low-brow” so he always states that he is a “private investigator,” but that is neither here nor there. The point is, that I’ve been watching a lot of this on Netflix lately and I’d like to pretend that I’ve been using my time productively by gathering the following educational advice:
1. Always stay in shape
-I am definitely not the most athletic person in the world, but if I lived in Hawaii, I would like to think that I too would go for daily swims in the Pacific. I’ll just have to live with romping around my neighborhood for now. But hey, that’s still exercise.
2. Always find time to slack off
-You won’t feel guilty about doing this if you’ve also taken the time to stay in shape. Now you can say to yourself, “it’s not sad if I sit here and watch a lot of Magnum, P.I. reruns because I’ve also run a couple of miles today.” Plus, it’s good to slack off a little bit, so that you’re ready when you need to tackle the bigger stuff.
3. Live somewhere beautiful
-This doesn’t mean a place that is beautiful in a strictly visual sense. I guess, I mean this in more of a touchy-feely-hippie sense like “This place is beautiful, man!” As much as I’m jealous of Magnum’s island paradise, I know I would miss watching the seasons change. Where I live is beautiful to me and a lot of cool people live here too, so that’s all that matters.
4. Maintain a healthy frenemy relationship
-I do NOT mean this in whatever reality-tv-passive-aggressive-bullshit sense it’s actually meant to be used. I’ve decided to reclaim the term because it’s a nice fusion word. Magnum and Higgins (that British man with the two dogs who maintains the estate upon which Magnum’s guest house sits) are literally frenemies. There’s no other way to describe it. They antagonize one another (the enemy part) but at the end of the day they are definitely friends. An enemy wouldn’t save your life from a bunch of criminals storming your island paradise, now would he?
5. Be charming and genuine.
-Charm is great when there is a great person behind it. Charm is just plain creepy when in the hands of the wrong person. But Magnum is definitely a great person who knows how to use charm. He understands that you catch more flies with honey, but he’s also a sweetheart so everyone is all the better for it.
6. Remember who has your back
-Magnum has two sidekicks, T.C. and Rick. (They’re totally the Bess & George to his Nancy Drew.) They served together in Vietnam, so understandably there relationships is pretty close. Sure Magnum may owe T.C. a lot of money for flying him around in his helicopter and fixing his car and whatnot, but these guys would literally do anything for one another. The same is true about Higgins if you really think about it (see above note on “frenemies.”)